This is a sort of refuge place where I can exist sort of on my own to braindump but only people I care about see it lol

 

I am currently doing a "partial-hospitalization" day treatment program where instead of going to work I do groups and therapy. Fortunately I have FMLA to cover it but it is going to make money very scarce. I think it is worth it. I must say after being hospitalized at the end of August things have improved in a significant rate? there are still significant issues; at the same time the urge to off myself has diminished significantly, something worth celebrating heartily as it's always been a part of my life. maybe I get hit by a car or something and eventually people find this, its worth my saying that it's wild thinking something to the effect of you know what, I don't think we actually wanna do the thing. it's rad.

In the groups I have been really pushing something that has worked for me so much: celebrating when we do.. anything that we can celebrate no matter how big or small. Let me give some examples. [ I was going to call in this morning, but we didn't, its quitting time and we know this morning we envisoned leaving work while taking a shower so fuckin congrats we completed the circle lol] or [ ah shit forgot to buy cigarettes again, like legit good job we can just keep forgetting forever ] and generally just not having not wanting to exist thoughts has been wild. I just have to get all of this out because I am really happy with changes that are happening, I guess.

Anyway so there will only be one detail about someone in this group and she was in a cult. only two factors that matter here. she hasn't gone into super detail but she was able to get out of it with her two kids. During a group something I mentioned involved LGBT+ stuff; she immediately wanted to ask me a question, got moderated. Anyway after I was done she talked about how this is such a huge change for her - coming from a place where we're the enemy she can see we're not so how can she be better about supporting queer people and like

I think "online" people would want to totally discard this gal for that fact and I think that's something the American left needs to address so we can start actually doing shit. She was in tears expressing how she was so baffling it was to her to realize she was hating someone for literally nothing. I being a lifelong faggot have never had to experience that so I can only imagine that has to be a lot. there's a couple other queer-sphere folks in the groups too. 

I think it's important to support these folks, and guide em along. Help them understand it's not up to someone else to speak for a community and such, not clocking, etc. it was pretty rewarding and had the potential to be a powderkeg (which is why initially I wasn't going to bring it up) but it was cool seeing folks just get along with the day. Makes me think americans should just be in therapy half the time all the time lol.

She described feeling totally unsafe just going to the grocery store. Just running errands around town, and going about her business. she feels (with evidence) they spy on her, gossip, exclude her for being out of the cult. that's.. wow. that is something incomprehensible to me. the lack of privacy. we're a really supportive group with each other and I love that. one of our trans folks was willing to talk to her and be like I am offering this, do not expect everyone to do this, then talking about queer stuff. This person is a new adult and to have the maturity to set a boundary like that? while in a environment where everyone's having mental health issues? the kids are alright.

I have felt slightly awkward about this day treatment experience because things have been improving so much since being in the hospital. I am glad I am doing it, I know it will benefit me but at the same time I am using the tools we're learning so I feel like I'm fighting a mid boss having grinded the good gear and weapons. It really helps just being around people. moving in alone feels like a huge mistake but if it is its one I can recover from. being alone fucking sucks. I hate it. I've always hated it. I am not a hermit until my brain makes me one. Being around other people helps me be me. it wasn't why I did the program but I am also not disappointed to not be doing my shit job that I hate!

what a time and place to be alive. 

this is one of my last refuges of semi private space so ya gurl gonna use it to brain vomit halfway through a furry convention!

on Thursday a localish furry named Taki passed away suddenly. Don’t know much more than that and I mind me business (… usually, shhh). Never heard of this fur till that morning when the local chats started blowing up. Certainly heartbreaking when we lose one of our own. On Friday I was invited to a room party run by I believe their partner and a very close friend named Vortex. They gave speeches which I recorded for local furs whomst unable to attend Aquatifur. I really enjoy helping out room parties and hosts, so I was able to bartend and generally tidy rubbish; it helps my feels for assisting others in a hard time. Everyone I could talk to seemed to know Taki; I’m sad my memory is so rubbish but 

the outpouring of love for this fur. over and over again, they were a pillar to the local community. Definitely a very NSFW party fur but they seemed to be exceptionally loving and caring by the way their peers described them (many used he/him others they so I’m going they btw). I have been perhaps lucky to experience few deaths of loved ones, other than older generation family. Not sure why but it really started hitting me today, this morning while I was trying to get jazzed up for the con.

losing a part of our community is always so painful. Losing someone who was clearly so loved and cherished (whom I didn’t even meet!) is extra tough. This is horse-space time to get thoughts out so I don’t go extra crazy. 

those who know me know I’ve struggled with ideation throughout my life since I was a kid. I don’t believe suicide is suspected in Taki’s case, though. I have always wondered how the non-blood family, IE my furry communities across the country and globe would handle my passing. This feels a bit selfish but I’ve been working through the thoughts involving our own mortality, our fandom and communities. I don’t think I’d just be some distant star that fades away one day… but you never know. I think I have been considering my own mortality during this con, though quite differently than I have in the past what for immersing myself in caring for those mourning. It brings up questions I’d had around my passing when it happens because I suspect one day when I’m ready it’ll hopefully be my choice lol.

another interesting matter is that a younger gag coworker who absolutely knows I’m like THE furry but his boyfriend has been interested in the fandom so out of the blue turns out these young 20s twinks came to AQF! This was certainly a first; I’m very open to coworkers about being a furry but this was the first time these two worlds collided on such a way. When I was younger I loved being dad-horse; showing new furs the ropes; welcoming to our meets and such. It truly was something I just naturally fell into and always loved. My love for bringing new furs into the fold is how I forged many of the most important (and in some cases shitty lmao) people in my life.

the weird thing is, I haven’t necessarily felt that currently with my coworker and his bf (lets call them the husky and the twink). I think a large part of this is that this con is my first attended in a couple years but is definitely the first con I’ve attended since being single going back when Keagan and I started dating in 2011. I have been very focused on addressing my needs, feelings and actions at this convention; it’s such a breath of fresh air as I used to feel like I had to sort of coddle my spouse and obsess over their con experience: it almost always ended up in a disaster when alcohol would be involved a do let out my frustrations about feeling so depended on. Furry conventions had been “my thing” for so long; they were sort of forced into being “our thing” and I grew to resent conventions after a while. This isn’t a complaint just an example of how I’d felt for so long.

anyway point being I felt very free when I was focused on my boundaries and needs rather than trying to coddle others. That went with husky&twink: if I was feeling mentally or physically not okay I was able to express that. “I need to leave for a little while; can you entertain yourselves until 19:00 when I get back” is something I never thought I could say to someone. I tend to perennially ask for permission when it’s not appropriate; being able to begin bucking that trend to keep my needs at heart has been a very unique sensation. Despite all this, today I met up and we spent quite a lot of time around the con. After I let go of feeling like I needed to make them happy we just hung out and had a pretty rad time. They seemed to enjoy it too.

AQF is undergoing a bit of an insurrection this weekend involving the local (Wisconsin) furs whom have always run this convention vs the AEI corporation which seems to be using AQF as a source of cash for their other conventions. The artwork is not local, nothing is anymore. Watching the truly political games of throne during this time has been fascinating. The way local staff have described it, I’m reminded of enshittification: more $$$ for shittier product. It remains to be seen what the future of this con is. The staff are publicly quiet about the workers direct action against the corporation but again this future is fascinating to me. 

I still have three days until I have to go back to clock into my shit job at the nightmare factory. It is glorious but I know the pcd will be rough.

I must say, it’s been rough being physically and emotionally lonely. Our divorce is amicable and we both are striking out on our own. It also kinda fucking blows when you put yourself out at parties, not to fuck but just close to someone just to be touched in some way, any way. I’ve really put myself out there at this convention and the lack of results? has been discouraging. Part of me wonders if it’s age, my changed personality or what. It’s a bummer to not even find someone who wants to just be hugged on. I don’t even really wanna engage sexually, just platonic affection would be rad after so long.

maybe tomorrow I can find some desperate furry who’ll squeeze my shoulders tomorrow. The fuckers hurt and all I’d want is someone to knead em a little. Maybe be big or little spoon, I truly don’t care at this point.  :(

my refrain through this con has been “what a fucking time to be alive”. Truly what a fucking time to be alive, for so many reasons.
 

 Dropship

I was rather drunk when I pounded this out on my goddamn iphone lol.

you should listen to this as the lyrics are part of the story. You should also realize that I was drunk as shit when I wrote this, and I made the cardinal error of "tell, not show"


 https://youtu.be/bTNYbPirmyE?si=U5Wv4HjtSPSqHQZd

Creaking metal shook the nerves of the crew, firmly planted to their stations. A rescue mission, they’d still slipped into an active conflict: flak exploding in space silently shook their ship; the air inside reverberating with a sickening groan.

 

“Okes, hang tight!” the martial eagle at the helm yanked on his flight yoke, firing vernier thrusters to pull the dropship ahead of an air-burst munition, the shrapnel scraping agains their hull. Those strapped into the jump-seats held tight to their shoulder restraints, stomachs lurching to throats as the craft surged downwards through the melee.

 

This group was a mess of ex-military, medical and engineering crew; a rag-tag bunch dropping into an active warzone between two peoples: one was launching an orbital bombardment, the other with a solid defense. This teams’ goal was medical and nutritional supplies: first aid wasn’t meant to be political however the assignment was descending from the sky to provide support to impoverished peoples ensnared in the violence.

 

Feathered wing-fingers snapping switches, the Eagle called out to his crew: “lekker vector! drooping in fast!” A small squirrel took advantage of the lack of gravity, launching herself to the copilot’s seat. “Jaivyn,” she squealed at the eagle with a distinctly southern-American twang - “how you getting us through this blockade?” The eagle cracked a grin, giving the squirrel a side-eye: “simple my Sprouty, they cannot catch us.” He threw the yoke forward, throwing their dropship nose-down to the planet, launching all against their seat restraints. Several raiding gunships followed, shaking as they tried to keep up with the small dropship. Plasma singed against their hull, dull thunks of weak slugthrower-gunfire echoed against the hull. Their engines flared, launching the crew down into the planet:

 

“Sweet the sound, as all the stars come crashing down.

but I will wait for you.
Meet me in the blue.”

 

“That goddamn ancient trance music”, Sprout thought to herself as she kept track of the craft’s energy reserves, forcefields and engine output. The wild south african eagle was pushing their old girl to her limits while Sprout kept her above water. “Jaiv-AH” she squeaked as the dropship rolled over and over, squishing all into their seats, knocking the breath right out of them as the eagle spun them into a dive through a military blockade.

 

A big badger struggled within her restraints, eyes rolling back with every heavy-g maneuver from the bird. She struggled to breathe, being squished into her jump-seat. Eyelids drooping she held back puking all over the flight deck- she had tried to adapt to the eagle’s reckless flight… as much as one could. She could not.

 

“Afterglow, somethings you just don’t need to know. Came crashing in, battered your heart and bruised your shins…”

 

“Fucking raver bird,” Aldrea felt to herself as she wrapped her badger paws around the handles on the shoulder restraints, a soft plastic affair which barely held her size: it barely locked and clacked back and forth concerningly as the craft’s turbulence threw about its passengers. She was quite tall, hardy and hardly light: a European badger wearing a flight suit with body armor could barely stuff herself into the seat. The quartermaster badger glanced back at their secured cargo, which lifted and came crashing down as the wild bird descended into orbit.

 

Across from the miffed badger, a draft horse was similarly squeezed into the flight seats, himself struggling against the confines of the shoulder restraints. He had a large rifle secured to his right, an affair that clanked annoyingly about as the dropship swayed in the planet’s atmosphere. They locked gaze, and the goofy horse gave the badger a pair of finger guns: “it’s alll goooood,” he lisped as the craft sunk through the air, their fur lifting with the lack of gravity. “You got this gurl!” The horse was an annoyingly flirtatious dude and always trying to “preserve the vibe”. He too wore protective armor, and an advanced military helmet. The dork had a silver ring through his snout, which flopped about in the turbulence. Though he was heavily armed, he was meant to dissuade possible pirates and warlords from taking the aid meant for those on the planet: theft of aid was common and the mission was to deliver supplies to impoverished, war-torn communities and the horse was not about to allow that to happen.

 

“The day is calling you, roll out and start anew: wipe your weary eyes, and tumble out of the sky…

 

Out of the sky.”

 

Gliding to and fro in his stabilized chair, a gruff mountain dog managed the glowing monitors before him: sensors and cameras about their craft. His console tracked incoming fire and approaching foes, automatically routing their onboard and outboard defenses. His snout nodded to the beat of the silly bird’s music choices: at least the eagle could find the vibe. A few clicks and the doggy let loose their unmanned ordinance: a series of drones fitted with slugthrower tungsten canons, what for fucking up anyone who wished to go after them. The small, key shaped automatons took formation around the Ticonderoga, daring a bitch to try. The Ticonderoga were, and are a peacekeeping mission but self defense is both legal and paramount to survival.

 

The aid group was dropping through an active warzone: the upper atmosphere of the besieged planet flashed with bursts of anti-spacecraft flak; surface-to-space (STS) rockets from the planet slammed violently into flagships in orbit, sending their hulls careening across the sky.

The crew of the Ticonderoga winced, hiding their faces as bodies spewed into space, crews (perhaps needlessly) suffocating in the vacuum of space.

Attack cruisers shot their way ahead: behind and below their small ship. Jaivyn guided them through the mess, slipping past the dogfights between warring powers.  The sky lit with energy weapons shot to the surface. Bombing craft could be seen skirting orbit as they let-loose innumerable cluster-bombs on the impoverished world below. The crew grimaced, seeing the flashes of explosions upon the surface from orbit

Massive capitol ships, sustaining crippling damage from the surface guns, listed, crashing into each other as their fusion engines spewed dreamy bursts of plasma into the dark space. A beautiful sight…were it not so deadly. So pointless. Explosions ripped through their small ship, threatening to rattle it to pieces. Jaivyn at the helm deftly yawed the Ticonderoga around and through drifting debris. The blockade of battleships buckled in half, while others shuddered, immense naval guns blasting towards the planet below. The silence in the violence could be poetic: the only evidence of the melee was when the shockwaves shook their little dropship.

 

Locking his mobile station in place, Rusk flicked his pawtips across his terminals which gave him a complete view around the dropship through cameras and drones. Their gundrones swirled around the shrapnel and debris, giving the Ticonderoga cover as they slipped through the battle. The drones shuddered as they shot tungsten projectiles at tailing craft, evading the prohibited use of energy weapons by rescue orgs. Shattered unmanned tailing fighter craft splintered and ignited behind them. Rusk fed sensors ahead to Jaivyn: “Periapsis secured; velocity set, trajectory matched!” The dog slapped his paws across his board, tossing a trajectory at the eagle: the bird immediately rolled the dropship to begin descent. The wee squirrel Sprout held her gaze on her console, balancing the craft’s reserves against the eagle’s wild maneuvers. 

 

Fur and feathers floated upwards as the stubby-winged craft spun about, descending through the planet’s atmosphere. The hull glowed a deep blue, purple, then pink: it rocked to and fro, vibrating madly in the thick atmosphere as it fell into orbit around the besieged planet. The horse’s silver snout piercing floated in the air, catching the light. He caught his reflection in the mirror, giving the horse he saw a wink. The simple Clydesdale’s head joyfully drifting around in the turbulence. This dude loved this dumb shit, no thoughts between those ears as the bird’s classic EDM thudded through the ship as it careened through violent space. 

Aldrea on the other paw was struggling: she took a deep breath, closing her fiercely blue eyes, trying to find her zen. Her zen, sadly, was work, so holding her break she keyed the terminal beside her jump-seat. “Yulong guo (玉龙谷), Ōkami shōjo no shiro (狼少女の城), Hui Ni Gong (虎女宫) and Istana Kambing are our first stops.” She heaved and threw up a little in her mouth, eyes crossing as she swallowed it. “Gurl get it together.”

 

“Rhaen. RHAEN” the dog barked at the horse, who seemed to be dozing as the ship rattled through the stratosphere. The horse’s combat helmet clattered against the restraints, his rifle clacking around in its rack. The horse opened almost sleepy eyes at Rusk, and he stuck his tongue out: wut. “We have six cases of food, three cases of med and three cases of construction supplies. We dropping this or what?”

Sprout spun in her copilot seat, glaring at the horse, dog and badger. “Y’all better be ready once we hit the dirt!” She turned back to her controls, intently staring through the windscreen as Jaivyn guided them out of the sky.

 

“We get to offload this shit at the drop points,” the horse drawled, adjusting himself in the too-small safety straps. “Where they at?” Rusk spun about, with a wave of a paw throwing the waypoints onto a holographic display. Rhaen’s helmet flickered cheaply as it struggled to display the same.

 

The dropship shuddered, juking left and right as the anti-air ordinance blew space apart around them. Jaivyn’s almost prophetic avian flight skills deftly slipping past the ship-breaking flak.

 

Rhaen, Rusk and Aldrea addressed the holomap, a dynamic topographical display identifying villages where their cargo was needed most. Aldrea’s engineer helmet flashed to life, individual displays of her crewmates’ vitals. Rusk slid the feed to Jaivyn through his console, setting up their itinerary. The dog’s floppy ears floated upwards as their boat lost gravity.

 

The Ticonderoga slipped through the atmosphere of Nusantara, the planet under blockade. Freed of the frantic orbital warfare the badger and horse’s restraints popped free. Aldrea made her way to the cargo hold, keeping balance despite the pops and booms exploding about them. Grasping hand-holds in her big paws, she slung her way from crate to crate, checking each against her wrist-mounted manifest. Rhaen unlocked his rifle, clicking it into a sling, himself holding onto ceiling rails as the ship descended to their first target.

Boy I'm a failure for not following up on this. I have lots to write about just haven't sat down to do it.

Would it be totally classless for me to post a... tale if you will about my experiences with drug addictions? Sort of a narrative about the things I've seen and been through. 

I have all of like four watchers so I suppose I'm worrying too much about it :D

Yeah, I'm a scab. Instead, I have a quote from an old friend.

"'What makes a draft horse is not the willingness to submission, but the willingness to help where wanted or needed. It is the affection towards kindness and a gentle, stoic nature that makes a draft horse, not some petty association with bondage, straps and gear. One’s fantasy is their own, but do not saddle me with a nature that is not my own. I am a draft horse, not your pony. I am not a sex object, I am a living breathing creature with thoughts and ideas and feelings. I may look huge, but I am more than my size. My personality is what is truly larger than life. Judge me not for my mass, but for my mind.'

One of the worst things you can do to me is objectify me. I am not a means to an end, but an end in of itself. I am a human being first and foremost, and as such I demand respect. Being a draft horse, a rather large one, is fun for my own sake and for the sake of those around me as well. I would be lying to myself and those around me if I said I didn't enjoy flirting or being a big bulky draft horse. But I am not your sex toy, I am not your pet, I am not your thing. I am a strong, thoughtful, emotional creature that would use my strength to help those around me rather than play into someone's illusionist fantasy of dominance.

I'm a big draft horse, yes, and I enjoy being big and I enjoy others enjoying me being big. But I'm more dynamic than that. I'm much more than a facade or a pretty face."

I agreed! The part that stuck out most was "What makes a draft horse is not the willingness to submission, but the willingness to help where wanted or needed. It is the affection towards kindness and a gentle, stoic nature that makes a draft horse" This is important to me, because it's finally validated feelings that I've had all along about myself. I wasn't sure if I was the only one who associated draft horses with helping the needy and being a sturdy place in loved one's lives. Seems I'm not the only one who feels this way! This has bolstered my resolve, and every day I'm reminded how well my animal fits me. 

Brainstorming! If you'd like to offer your thoughts please do!

I really like the idea of short peeks into life as an anthropomorphic being, incorporating the minutia of every day life. However, I'd like to explore that minutia, and how life as a human would differ from that as an anthropomorphic animal in an anthropomorphic world.

Job Interviews: Species integration will be a given, a romanticized concept taken from the furry culture as we know it. So, rather than lions eating zebras as in the human wild, I  propose that these predator/prey instincts would come to be expressed in the way that many white collar humans do: in the workplace. Take Rhaen's job interview on the day of his hoof-cleaning: I suspect that his group interview would be primarily dominated (in the context of non-violent social interaction) by predator animals: big cats, wolves. You'd probably have a meek middle-manager of some sort present, attempting to throw around their corporate weight despite being a creature that the predatory animals would happily chew on in the wilds. Luckily for me and horses everywhere, I feel that equines occupy a niche that's fairly unique to our kind: we're considered prey animals, but if you've ever seen a horse stomp a cougar to death, then you'd probably concede that equidae are a unique blend of live-and-let-live and kick-yer-ass, depending on the situation. :D

Species diaspora: The 'racial' makeup of cities. From here on, I'm going to refer to each species as its race. Just for my own ease, pinky-swear. At first I thought about making Ravshan and Rhaen's town exclusive to equines, but I think that might be limiting my options as far as philosophical exploration is concerned. My first thought is that the primary racial composition of urban areas would be influenced by two factors: how often the species is found in the region as far as our world is concerned, and then how well the species would (likely) fare in evolutionary conflict. I have some reservations as I feel this reinforces the stereotype of furries being mostly wolves and canines, as wolves are common to most areas of North America and are tough, hardy beasties. This is probably a concept where some group collaboration or ideas would be super beneficial!

Racism: I'd really like to explore 'racism' in the context of a furry world. It would likely be a reflection of human racist behavior on a society of animals. It would likely be heavily reliant on predator/prey and herd/pack dynamics, something of which I 'm barely familiar with, so I'd need help with this also. :B For my purposes I might scratch the surface of really deep social dynamics, keeping to a more populist (and ideally entertaining) idea of how race relations in the furry world would be.

A name for this world: I need to look into a name for the planet, nations, states, cities. It would again be heavily inspired from our real world, and probably incorporate a lot of latin. I think that would be a fun thing to look into. Geographically, I think for the sake of my being lazy and overall cohesiveness, I'll just use the same platetary geographical layout as what was found in the 20th-century.

I'm sure I'll be back to vomit more ideas up on here soon!
I wrote this somewhere around spring 2008. I was really happy at this point in time, flush with euphoria and happy feelings (which were summarily crushed later). So I started writing a story about it. This was ostensibly an exploration of imagery on my part, with plot being more or less nonexistant. I don't even like to re-read it, being that it's from a time in my past when I was at my worst, so I can only imagine how it would hold up to true literary critique (it wouldn't). That being said, it's not doing anything sitting on my hard drive, so I might as well post it. Like Two-Bits, this too is a rough draft, but unlike Two-Bits, probably won't be explored any further.

Untitled
(3/2008)
The world twisted about him, the warm wind cradling his body as he twisted and turned in the breeze.  Twilight fell around the appaloosa, and he ran with the spirits of nature, pirouetting along the dusty path.  Dry green weeds and grass lined the hard-packed dirt trail, their husks whistling against each other, a whisper of the world to the young equine.  The sun had sunk behind the far off foothills, and the horizon grew a deep purple, pinpricks of starlight piercing the sky as night fell.  The moon had risen, silvery and bright, and soont ook the sun's place in illumnating the praeirie that stretched to the ends of the earth.  The breeze was dry, and warm, it caressed his velvety grey skin and his satin, charcoal fur as his hooves pounded down the path, without destination or direction.  His movements seemed dictated by the rustling wind about him, and his face was alight with glee, eyes twinkling a clear blue in the moon's light.  Rhaen's heart pounded in his chest, almost in time with his hoof-falls, a unversal tempo, his teenage mind as free as the jetstreams that carried the few whisps of couds through the darkening sky.  His eyes never left the heavens, and as he galloped  the way their deep violet became an unending blue, his body felt electrified, filled with energy as his sapphire hair whipped behind him- it would blend into the sky were it not for the way the moon's glow caused it to shimmer and sparkle.  The thuds of his silver-shoed hooves slowed to a stop, trampling in the dust as he paused to take a breath, hands on knees as he bent over to suck in the sweet, musky scent of autumn.  The tall grasslands guarding that path had yet to fully dry out, and their stalks stood soft and green, bending and twisting in the zephyr that whisked its way across his plains.  A gentle bluegrass provided a foundation, and with a loud grunt, the heavy equine sprawled over onto the ground, crashing between the tall grass and came to rest upon his back. His long mane cascaded all around him, whispering to the taller stalks as a warm breeze flitted through the field.  His huffs and puffs quickly subsided, and with a throaty nicker, the stallion relaxed, letting his arms fall limpy to either side.  His fingers explored through the blades of grass as the wind whipped over his fur, and taking another deep breath, he filled himself with natures's beauty.  His senses were electrified, and his body writhed in the bedding, his eyes almost closing, eyelids fluttering as he gazed up into the sky.  The wind rippled through his loose clothing, caressing the naked fur of his legs and belly and Rhaen gave a shudder of ecstasy, crying joyously to the heavens.  He could lay for no longer, though, and regretfully he sprung up, having caught his second wind.  Starting out slowly, he began to trot down the uneven path again before breaking back into an easy gallop- as easy as an overweight horsie could.  He didn't perspire, despite his weight, and the rushing of the wind over the curves of his body kept him cool as he made his way down the winding trail, until he came over the crest of a hill.  Once more Rhaen paused, but this time he gasped for breath on a small hill, overlooking a small farm.  The late evening's glow cast final streaks of purple light on a small windmill, and the moonlight lit the rest of the tiny farm's buildings- a farmhouse, corralls, and two tiny but well kept farmhouses.  The buildings were old, but not neglected, and their proud paint glistened in the full moon, and at a slower pace the stallion headed in their direction.  Cutting off of the trail, Rhaen carefull began to make his way through the whistling thrush to an aging fence.  He hopped the wooden planks with not too much difficulty, though his big rump hung in the air a moment before he finally toppled over onto clean-cut sod.  Nickering, he picked himself up and dusted the blades of grass off his dark jeans, smoothing out his black collared and buttoned shirt.  Carefully and as silently as he could, the colt snuck across the lawn to the closer of the two farmhouses, where a window glowed a warm anbaric yellow.

There you have it! You can tell how old the writing is because of the lack of paragraphs. :| My contemporary style is to make constant use of paragraph breaks, to pace the writing better.  You can also probably see the Furcadian hardcore-RP tics that plagued my writing for years. Finally, this also involves my old fursona, who was eaten by zombies.

I said I'd be active here, so I really ought to hold myself to it. So, here's part of a short story I'm writing! In the interests of transparency and full disclosure, it is not nearly done and I haven't really edited it yet. This is just raw brainspew for now. I figure by postin' WIPs and finished stuff here, I could get feedback and tips on my writing (yes from all three of you).

One of the things that's intrigued me since I started furry was the day to day life of anthropomorphic beings. One of the sillier things I thought about was what exactly horse anthros would do about their hooves. Humans have nails to clip, horses have hooves that need tending to. In our world, we have farriers. In the world of anthro horses, well, they have Ravshan. He's ostensibly a farrier for his fellow equine, and the kind Cossack has been taking care of hooves since the Great October Revolution. The story's setting and time frame is intentionally fuzzy, meant to reflect the early 20th century in a sleepy town, somewhere. I also ran into a block with where to go from, plot wise.

Let it be known that Rhaen DOES NOT LIKE first person. Not one bit. However, it seemed relevant for our purposes here. Also let it be known that I know fuck all about tending to horse's hooves. My description of Ravshan's work is basically my preconception about how hooves are tended to. I'm sure [personal profile] altivo will wretch and writhe at my exposition of hoof-care, and he'd be quite justified. Anyway, read on and enjoy the rough draft.


Two-bits

I awoke to the sticky heat of the summer's mid-morning, the sheets wrapped 'round my hooves. My lips were dry, and I wiped dried drool from my chin as I sat up, blinking to clear the fog from my head. Today was the day of the interview, scheduled for this evening. It was the dream job, and I intended to look my best. I showered slowly, making sure to scrub the dust and chaff from my stiff fur, ignoring my mane but for now. As I dressed, my shoddy and dry hooves scraped the fabric of my pants: I'd need to see the farrier today. Mental note filed away, I dressed casually and ate my brunch- sweetened oats, malted barley. My city is small enough that one could enjoy but a brief walk into town, leg's reach from just about anything a Houynymn could need, including my tailor and farrier. The latter would be my first stop, and hastening across the dusty street, I opened the heavy oak door.

The farrier emerged from the back, offering a whicker and kind smile as I stepped in. Ravshan was a tall, quite stocky Shire from the eastern worlds with knurled, calloused hands used to their work. "Rhaen, it's been far too long." That it had, embarassingly so. "It happens. The usual, yeah?" I changed the subject, plopping heavily into a firm oak chair. The leather upholstery squeaked as I settled in, cradling my Clydesdale hooves into low stirrups. Ravshan knealt beside my left hoof, wasting little time as he drew tools from a leather apron. Ravshan knows that I'm not one for small talk, and he worked silently as he began by scraping dirt, mud and cartilage from the frog of my hoof. The scraping is.. hard to describe. It's certainly not pleasant, but of adult age there is little pain. Having dug the packed dirt from my left, Ravshan moved to my right, similarly prying free the debris.

He slid his picks and hooks back into his apron, removing coarse and fine files to tend to the hoof itself. Starting with the coarse file, he drew the blade over the edges of my split and overgrown toe, grinding the dead tissue free. This is my least favorite part, as each stroke of the file grates every nerve in my body. "This has to be done, you know. You go far too long without seeing me, Rhaen." "You just like to see me squirm, Ravshan. Did you see that Aristide has those new home models? They're electrical, and they have hoof buffer-" Ravshad snorted and sat back, tightening his fists in a mock show of aggression. "You are trying to put me out of business then, I see? And what happens when your fancy machine gives out, what then?" My ears lowered in embarassment, and I shut my trap. He resumed his work, and after what seemed to take far too long, he was detailing the hooves with his fine file. The rough, sharp cartilage was all but gone, replaced by crisp, smart edges.

My feathering is long and thick, and he gently brushed aside the long hairs, tucking them into the stirrup. Ravshan drew a tin of polish and a well-used rag, dabbing the tacky polish onto my hooves before rubbing it into the dark enamel. The smelly, oily stuff brings out the natural shine of our hooves, offering a layer of protection. His work finished, the Shire stood and clapped me on the back, allowing me to stand. I avoided the mounds of dust, dirt and tissue as I stood, clomping unsteadily to the counter. Ravshan is an expert at keeping one's hoove's level, but they're always a bit slippery thanks to the polish. I paid Ravshan his flat fee, tipping against his custom. I nudged the heavy door open with my shoulder, heading into the midsummer's heat.


There's that! Again I must offer the caveats of this being horribly unfinished and something I banged out in an afternoon, but hope to continue. I'd like to have a series of short stories that act as biopics into the every day life an anthropomorphic being!

I'll be using this Dreamwidth as a public platform for my writing! I hope to post a short story later today, but no guarantees!

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December 2025

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